Dear Congressman Devin Nunes,
You had one job, sir, and you failed. Perhaps this memo should have been written to you after the first failed conspiracy attempt. However, who could have known that you, Devin Nunes, would attempt a second conspiracy without adjusting your weak game?
Indeed, the real American intelligence agency is “Fox News.” You made their Acting Director Sean Hannity look like a fool for believing in you. Even worse, your failure, Devin Nunes, led Hannity along with the rest of the Acting American Intelligence agency to inaccurately brief President Donald J. Trump of a coming scandal. A scandal bigger than Watergate, with lots of people going to prison, and best of all–the magnitude of absurd impropriety would prove President Trump’s innocence.
The job of proving President Trump’s innocence is tough, especially in light of all the evidence and exposed Trump lies that seem to indicate a host of potential underlying reasons for Trump’s refusal to acknowledge any Russia misdeed–EVER.
Heck, earlier in the same week, President Trump did blatantly refuse to follow a law that he signed to sanction Russia. Even worse, the Trump administration’s excuse for “no sanctions needed” was virtually non-existent and weak. Luckily for you, Devin Nunes, the mainstream media failed to adequately scream at the same volume of those at Fox News. They were able to distract the Trump supporting masses–based on a false-belief that you, Devin Nunes, would provide President Trump a solid excuse to fire Rod Rosenstein. Maybe Rosenstein’s replacement will take the Trump loyalty oath and then finally, prove President Trump preemptively innocent by firing Robert Mueller.
Perhaps Devin Nunes should strive to be more Presidential, like Trump, and watch more television, specifically Fox News. After all, Fox News did manage to turn a lifelong man of the law, Robert Mueller, into a puppet of Hillary Clinton, Barrack Hussein Obama, George Soros, the Deep State, the devil, the NWO, and etcetera. Since Devin Nunes easily won his 2016 re-election it appears President Trump is stuck with the Nunes he knows.
Ok, Nunes since you intend to keep trying to establish Trump’s innocence with more memos but suck at conspiracy, please heed the following advice.
TIP: Leave the “aliens” ambiguous. This ambiguity will allow Hannity to use uncertainty to instill fear into his audience. For example, is it illegal Mexican aliens or illegals from Mars? Who knows for sure, but the audience will flock to Hannity to hear him yell about it.
Oh, no. Nunes, did you turn in your first draft?
That would explain a few things. Ok, what is done is done. Since you are the only Nunes that Trump has, well–keep it up, Devin Nunes.
If at first, you fail conspiracy, try and try again. Like writing, it probably gets more comfortable with practice. Devin Nunes follow President Trump’s lead–never give up on President Trump as he will never give up on Vladimir Putin. Oh, and the President kinda needs you too. Otherwise, he would write the memo himself, but with his questionable reading skills, well, it is safe to say his writing skills, although the best (he does know the best words) is um, nevermind. President Trump is too busy to do everything himself. He can seem too busy flying and golfing at Mar-A-Lago to write his own defense, but he is really off to Make America Great Again.
Remember Devin Nunes, never give up, never keep trying and maybe someday you will prove all the losers and haters wrong to become a legendary criminal conspirator.