Trump’s Twitter Tantrum

By Touché

Hello, my name is Trump, but you already knew that. Some call me ‘The Donald’, President (the number of those calling me this is diminishing daily for some odd reason), and then there is Dotard (My twin from North Korea gave me this cute little nickname). I have been hailed by pretty much everyone, except the fake news, as the most winningest President ever. I communicate with my fans, I mean my fellow Americans, through Twitter. Everyone loves my tweets, everyone says that. Here are a few of my current gems that I graciously divulge to the TwitterLand.

The Mayor of San Juan (which I just learned is a city in Puerto Rico, and Puerto Rico is surrounded by BIG water) is whining (she called it begging, but she is just playing the victim, typical woman) about the slow assistance response.

Jeez, women can be such drama queens. Puerto Rico wants us to help them completely rebuild their devastated island (exaggerate much). We can’t do everything for you PR. You are going to have to figure this out on your own. It is not like you are a part of America. (Wait, what did General Kelly just say? So PR is apart of America? It can’t be because those are brown people. All brown people must be deported to Mexico and stay behind my yuge wall.)

When I put FR I was meaning the brown people island that is For Real. Honestly, I had never heard of it until the hurricanes hit. Anyways, the fake news is at it again. They hate my success, that is why they are always spreading fake news everywhere. We are winning in FR. The response is bigly epic.

See…There is the proof you need that eveything is turning up roses in Puerto Rico (I am talking about my tweet being the proof). Amazing job happening in Puerto Rico. End of discussion.

I know the whole island is without electricity, but Twitter is how I communicate to the masses, so deal with it. It is your fault, anyways, that the power grid went down. Seriously, you should have fixed it up. It isn’t that hard to hire folks, have them build what you need, and bail out on payment (I’ve done it a bunch of times. It is called business, or a hussle, but the politically correct term is business).

I am trying to enjoy my weekend with a few nice games of golf, but this Puerto Rico crap is really making me look bad. I had to start tweeting because the fake news was calling me out about golfing right now. They do not know how difficult it is being president. This San Juan Mayor is hindering my game as well. She is just complaining since the democrats told her to start doing that (You know women do whatever they are told). I wish she would give it a rest already, so I could get back to enjoying my golf course.

I was hoping I didn’t have to go to Puerto Rico, but the fake news has forced me to. I am not a fan of people that are not white. Also, there is that pesky Mayor that I will have to meet with. I will do whatever I must to make myself look good, and this visit will do just that. That is why I decided to go.

I continued by tweeting about the NFL again. It really bugs me that they are disrespecting me, uh…I mean the flag. You’re fired (that is trademarked by the way). Stay tuned to my Twitter feed to avoid the fake news, and get the correct story. America is winning. So much winning that people are getting sick of it. I am the best President that has ever been in this shack of a White House (Seriously, I miss my gold toilet). Just in case, if anything is wrong, it is Obama’s fault. Great. Awesome. Yuge successes. Amazing job. Winning white people (Oops, I hadn’t said that one aloud yet).

Sarcasm, satire, and snark just seem to spew from my being. I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but who can refuse coffee? ?


  1. Sarcastic Sasafras, you have outdone yourself! ? Everything you said rings true. Puerto Rico will be the defining point of Trumps administration: Complete failure. His attack on the mayor is proof positive that he is a sociopath: a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience. The mayor, Carmen Yulin Cruz, has shown tremendous tenacity and dedication in trying to help her citizens. She’s out helping to rescue people herself. She’s not golfing while the people are struggling just to stay alive. Quite simply, she making Trump look like the loser he is better than anyone else has. His trip to the island won’t be fun for him, it’s too little too late. Maybe someone should have put this tragedy in words he can understand…millions of Americans live on the island and although they can’t vote in American elections, they have family in the USA who can.

    1. Why thank you! This will be Trump’s biggest downfall…history books will not be kind to him-as they shouldn’t be!

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