If you were watching Trump at the UN and thought, “I miss the days when Trump spouted off random incoherent phrases,” you’re in luck. Candidate Trump gave what little he has to offer at a Republican rally in Alabama and providing over an hour of what most Brits would politely call a complete fustercluck (or cuck depending on your political leanings).
The main reason for the speech was for Trump to endorse the Republican candidate of his choice in the upcoming run-off election between Luther Strange, a former state attorney general supported by Mitch McConnell, who Trump endorsed and Roy Moore, a social conservative who Trump also endorsed. Yes, Trump decided both candidates should be elected: Strange to ‘send McConnell a message’ and Roy Moore because he was ‘a good man’, presumably because Moore was removed from Alabama’s Supreme Court twice and called 9/11 ‘divine retribution’. In this new world, sin and lawlessness are the new virtues because that’s what winning looks like.
Moore and Strange are hoping to get boosts in their poll numbers after Trump endorsed both of them. Or none of them, either way. In fact, given Trump’s recent political deal-making, I was surprised he didn’t also endorse the Democrat’s candidate as well. Then again, he also failed to endorse Barney the Purple Dinosaur’s election bid but be fair, he missed last week’s episode because of his UN speech.
Between the praise, Trump went into full whine mode on his favourite topics, starting with North Korea. Trump doubled down on Kim Jong-UN as Little Rocket Man, complaining how Kim Jong-Un’s love of nuclear weapons should be replaced by a new-found appreciation of Elton John. As always, Trump promised to handle North Korea just as he did all those other times when he made threats and Kim Jong-Un didn’t listen to him.
John McCain’s heroic decision to vote no, widely hailed by many on both sides, also came up and how could Trump resist the urge to insult a decorated war hero and principled senator once again? Trump felt that McCain had betrayed him and that he acted hypocritically since the senator urged repeal and replace. Of course, Trump is an expert on betrayal and hypocrisy so he knows what he’s talking about. Donald Trump is clearly frustrated that people aren’t dying fast enough in his new plan to stop over-population and reduce the strain of his billionaire buddies. I mean, come on, who in their right mind wastes taxpayers’ money on ordinary people? This isn’t the Democrat Party!
Trump also brought up his favourite topics such as the Mexican border wall, arguing that the wall needed to be see-through which might mean it’ll be made of glass and prove a hell of a job for windows cleaners nationwide. It’s also unclear how many Mexicans will need to come over to help build the wall and then head home after it’s done. If the wall is high enough, the planes will have to fly around it as well. The Soviets hadn’t thought of that when they built the Berlin Wall but then, using logic is what godless commie libtards like me would do!
The main reason for the wall used to be Mexicans taking all those lucrative fruit-picking jobs that Americans want to take. Now it’s because (and I kid you not) drug dealers are using catapults to launch drugs over the existing concrete border wall and the drugs were landing on people’s heads. This will certainly surprise most Texans who have not reported any casualties from this disturbing twist in the War on Drugs. Netflix has yet to confirm that Trump’s statement is a reference to a possible new scene from its new show ‘Nacros’ featuring the CIA’s failed attempt to smuggle drugs out of Mexico back in the 80s.
NFL players taking a knee and silently protesting racism in the USA is the biggest bedbug, biggest even than Hilary Clinton hitting the bestsellers list. Trump barked that if it happens again, then the ‘sons of bitches should be taken off the field’, strong words even for a 49ers fan. He encouraged his supporters to leave the stadium if they saw it happen during a game they were watching, hoping to turn the tables in the boycotting game. The NFL is still silent on how much difference those six or seven people will make. Still, the nerve of those players kneeling in solidarity over an issue that is still prevalent in America and exercising their right of free speech! Who do they think they are, Americans?
Still, the people were happy that he was paying attention to them rather than all those other people in the UN. Or Puerto Rico for that matter. Why offer sympathy for the plight of over 3.4 million people when you can rally a dwindling base for your own selfish gains? It’s that kind of thinking that’ll make America great again.
All in all, the speech in Alabama went like most of the others he made: bluster, lies and so much hot air that Trump is likely to become the biggest contributor to greenhouse gases. So much for halting climate change before 2020!