Do Not Shoot At Hurricanes (Words I Never Though I Would Say)

By Susan Kuebler

Perhaps it is advancing age, perhaps it is the all-pervasive realm of social media, but the level of stupid in this country appears to be on the rise.  On top of rescuing victims of Hurricane Irma, dealing with massive public safety issues, as well as the multitude of problems associated with a natural disaster, the police in Florida had to respond to a Facebook event for a get-together to shoot a Hurricane Irma. Over 25,000 people responded to the invite.

Apparently these candidates for the Darwin Award were operating under the delusion that somehow they could turn around the storm by firing their rifles and pistols or whatever armory they had on hand. So while the Pasco County Sheriff’s Department was dealing with road closings, shelter availability, weather announcements, and other issues of vital concern to their residents, they had to take the time to send out the following message on Twitter:

While recognizing the symbiotic relationship between a redneck and his gun, especially when it comes to shooting dangerous road signs, it is just plain idiotic to stand out in the middle of a hurricane and shoot off your weapon.  Not only are you in danger of becoming a victim of hurricane force winds and flooding, as the graphic above depicts, the wind could cause your bullet to come back and hit you or one of your companions.  Can you imagine how many bullets would be flying around if 25,000 people decided to shoot at the same time?

It’s not the rednecks I’m worried about, but the innocent people who might find a 45 caliber bullet come crashing into their living room.  Now before the NRA comes after me, I was raised around guns, and owned by first .22 rifle when I was 10. My daddy had an entire collection of guns, from pistols to rifles to shotguns.  But come on people!  If you get bored during the hurricane (the rationale for holding this event) there are other things you can do that won’t endanger yourself or other people.

Here are some tried and true Southern options:’

  • Stack the cat.  If your cat is sleeping, very carefully cover him or her with throw pillows.  It only counts if you are able to complete your mission without waking the cat in the first place.  When the cat wakes up, it provides lots of amusement for the family.
  • Make animal figures with your hands on the wall holding a flashlight behind your hand.  You’d be amazed just how many animals you can mimic.
  • Play strip poker.  This is for adults only.
  • Play Monopoly.  This can include the entire family.
  • Talk about the relatives you don’t like.  Southerners don’t usually need an excuse to do this, but it can be a fun and family building experience.
  • Discuss religion and politics.  Just be sure first that no one is packing.

Now these are just a few suggestions on how to ride out the storm.  I’m sure your family has its own traditions for dealing with similar experiences.  If you don’t, then this is a great time to start some.

And ladies, if your menfolk do decide to do something crazy, fix a sleeping bag for them in the living room.  That should learn them good and proper.

"All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well". Julian of Norwich.

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