Trump’s 100-Day Performance Review

By Susan Kuebler

Nearly every working American has been there.  You aced the job interview.  Okay, maybe you exaggerated your qualifications and accomplishments a bit.  But you got the job, so it’s all good, right?  Not exactly.  In many cases, you are hired on a 90-day probationary period at the end of which you have to sit down with your boss and review your performance during that period.  Did your performance meet your employer’s expectations?  If you met or exceeded them, then you are golden.  If not, you might just be unemployed.

Donald Trump’s interview with the American people, otherwise known as campaign promises, was filled with what he said he would achieve during his first 100 days in office.  Unlike most workers, he actually got an extra ten days before his performance review.

Picture yourself as the boss reviewing the new employee’s achievements during his probationary period.  Because that is exactly who you are.  Contrary to what Donald Trump might think, he is NOT the boss of us.  It is the other way around.  The conversation might go something like this.

Boss:  Well Mr. Trump, it’s time to go over your job performance for the last 100 days.

Boss:  That’s not really an answer.  I will grant that you get your nominee to the Supreme Court approved, but I’m not really happy that the Senate had to use the “nuclear option” in order to do it.

Plus you seem to have this strange obsession about the media, especially the New York Times.  Could you explain that a bit?

Boss:  You are supposed to be working on repealing and replacing Obamacare, tax reform, and building a wall on the southern border.  We frown on using Twitter during work hours to carry on personal vendettas.

Boss:  One of your major promises was that you were going to label China a currency manipulator on Day One.  What do you have to say about that?

Boss:  So, I guess we mark that one down as “Did Not Meet Expectations.”

Let’s go over your promise to ask Congress to send you legislation to Repeal and Replace ObamaCare on Day One.

Boss:  You’re telling me that you’re still just talking about it.  What happened to the promise you made during your job interview.

Trump:  Nobody knew that healthcare reform would be so hard.  Besides,

Boss:  That’s not what we’re here about.  Let’s talk about some of your other promises.  Just the one’s you promised to do on Day One.

You were going to stop all federal funding to “sanctuary cities.”

Trump:  Working on it.

Boss:  Okay.  Another “Did Not Meet Expectations.”

Boss: You were going to convene your generals and inform them they have 30 days to submit a new plan for defeating the Islamic State group.

Trump:  Working on it.  But we did blow up an airfield in Syria and drop a HUGE bomb in Afghanistan that killed like 50 or 60 ISIS fighters.  As my son Donny Jr. said “We bombed the shit out of them.”

Boss:  But still no plan yet.

Trump: Working on it.

Boss:  Okay, another “Did Not Meet Expectations.”   Let’s forget what you promised to do on Day One.  I’ve heard reports that there is a lot of friction going on between your staff.  How are you handling that?


You said, and keep saying your policy is “Build American, Buy American” but you and your daughter Ivanka still make your products in China.

You’ve completely reversed your positions on getting involved in Syria, now you say NATO is no longer obsolete, you have not done one damn thing on building your precious wall, the only immigrants you are deporting aren’t criminals – they’re mothers with children and children with DACA status.

You’ve managed to insult our allies like Germany and Australia.  You just insulted South Korea by saying they used to be part of China, but you have yet to say one bad word about our biggest enemy Russia.

Boss:  Are you a total, blithering idiot?  Do you even have a clue what you are doing?

Trump:  Yeah, well I’m President and you’re not, so I guess it’s all okay.

Boss:  We’re gonna see about that buster.  There a little thing Constitution.  We made you, we can break you.

Trump:  Is that in Article XII?

Boss runs screaming from the office.

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