Will Somebody PLEASE Get Donald Trump a Puppy?

By Susan Kuebler

There are few things more therapeutic for someone who is lonely or depressed than having a pet.  If that someone is also insecure the best choice is a dog. A dog will love you no matter who or what you are.  Cats have certain standards.

This current White House is the first one in a long time without a First Pet.  Even Richard Nixon had his famous dog Checkers.  The Clintons had Socks the Cat.  Harry Truman once said “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.”

It is well known that there are few qualities that Trump prizes more than loyalty.

Having a dog will ensure that there will be at least one creature in his inner circle who is totally devoted to him.  Trump can be assured that there is no way his dog can leak his innermost thoughts to the press.  Of course, Donald does that himself through Twitter, but he can’t blame the dog for it.

A dog can also provide something that seems to be lacking in our President’s life.  Unconditional love.  A dog will greet him enthusiastically every time he enters the Oval Office, even if he has only been gone for three minutes.  Trump can rant and rave at his dog any time, day or night, and while the dog might cower in fear (much like his senior advisers) the dog will still love him.  It won’t plot behind his back.  Instead, it will faithfully return to his side when the tirade is over.

Now some might argue that having a dog is a responsibility and the President is already shouldering too many.  It is true that dogs (puppies especially) need to be fed, watered, and most importantly, walked regularly.  However, Rex Tillerson seems to have a lot of free time on his hands these days so he could easily handle those duties.

A dog can sit by his side on the sofa as he watches endless hours of cable TV.  Some might object if the dog gets on the sofa in the Oval Office, a la KellyAnne Conway, but dogs will be dogs.  A dog can accompany him on his endless rounds of golf and perhaps be taught to fetch any golf balls that end up in the sand or water traps, thus vastly improving Trump’s golf score.

A dog can provide him companionship while Melania and Baron remain in New York.  No longer will he need to wander the White House at night all alone.  His faithful dog will be right at his heels.

In fact, it is clearly a matter of national security that someone gives Trump a dog. A dog can make President Trump happy.  And everyone in the nation wants a happy President. A happy president is much less likely to start a nuclear.  Perhaps someone might want to point out that Vladimir Putin has dogs.  That ought to do the trick.

But in the meantime, for the sake of our country, for the sake of humanity itself, will somebody please get Donald Trump a puppy?



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