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Dispatches From The Swamp – #9

By Susan Kuebler

Enemy agents attempted to sabotage my computer last night.  However, Crafty Cat and the voice of The Resistance cannot be silenced.  Throwing computer to the floor in a fit of rage appeared to resolve issues.

The Leader continues his relentless campaign against critics, automobile manufacturers, award-winning actresses, “dishonest” media, and U.S. intelligence agencies.  Many in The Resistance find it ironic to see the name of The Leader and the word “intelligence” in the same sentence.  So far, the only person receiving praise from The Leader is someone named V. Putin.  Can only assume he refers to the head of Russia and is unable to spell the name “Vladimir.”

The new Co-Leader moved to The Swamp this weekend bringing family and menagerie of pets, one of which is a snake.  Doubtless, this is the snake that The Leader continually warned his followers about during the campaign.  Crafty Cat shall attempt to infiltrate Co-Leader’s habitation to dispatch aforementioned vile creature.

Use of moles within the ranks of enemy camp and collaborators has not worked out as anticipated.  Despite their obvious value to the cause, they have also proved to be tasty snacks as well.  Nom. Nom. Even Crafty Cat must eat sometimes.

Receiving multiple reports that supporters of The Leader are unconcerned over proposed overthrow of Obamacare as they are covered under the Affordable Care Act.  Fortunately, members of The Resistance are not such complete idiots.

The controversy surrounding upcoming Coronation plans reached new low when enemy agents sent an email saying ‘You’re Fired!” to a gentleman who has been announcing parade events for last 54 years.  Once again, The Leader has demonstrated he is a man of class – all of it low.

Despite growing concerns over ethical questions regarding his proposed Cabinet appointees, in a rare statement to the press, The Leader took the opportunity to announce that there are no inaugural ball gowns available in Washington, D.C.  This confirms speculation is that new First Lady will appear fully clothed at all events.  Such rumors leave Crafty Cat unconcerned as no self-respecting cat would be caught dead in a dress.  Even as a disguise.

Planners of the Coronation breathlessly announced the participation of the Missouri State University Chorale during the coronation ceremony.  Doubtless, dozens will turn out to hear their performance.

Questions resulting from The Leader’s seemingly false, contradictory, and self-serving comments on Twitter has been resolved by enemy spokeswoman “She Who Must Be Believed” who advised followers to pay no attention to his words, but to look into his heart. Despite the physical impossibility of doing this, it has created a flood of rumors that The Leader will shortly be undergoing open-heart surgery to determine if this organ does, in fact, exist in his body.

Crafty Cat is actively recruiting informants to report on actual Coronation.  So far, only volunteers intend to get stoned during the event, and their information may not be completely reliable.

In the meantime, intel regarding confirmation hearings on The Leader’s proposed Cabinet appointees will be provided as soon as secure communication lines are available.  The Leader has reported he intends to hold a press conference on January 11th.  He did not specify which year, but this may be a combination of press conferences announced for wife Melania in July, and family business dealings in December.

Remain vigilant my friends.  America depends on us.

The Crafty Cat                 Vive le Resistance!

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About techgirl1951 (291 Articles)
"All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well". Julian of Norwich.

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