News Ticker

Dear Jane –

By Christopher Suprun

Dear Jane America –

I wanted to reach out to you.  I wanted to talk about that guy you just made your main squeeze – the orange haired, older guy who always seems too aggressive.  Look, you’re my best friend, but I am worried for you.

It isn’t just the way he talks about his past relationships and being able to grab anyone he wants or kiss anyone he wants.  It isn’t the way he always talks about his money but never seems to pick up the check.  It isn’t that he had five positions on abortion in three days that time.  I just don’t think he is good for you.

No, actually, it’s worse.  I know you.  You want things to be better tomorrow for you.  You want things better for your children.  Look, you work hard.  You still make it to PTA meetings and little league games.  Do you have the time to give this guy multiple chances to get it right?

He wants you to just take his friends at face value even though they have no references.  He tells you he is going to make your life great again, but everywhere he goes there is a fight.  Usually, he starts it.

As disappointing as it is, I really don’t think you have the time to invest in this relationship right now.  Worse, I am pretty sure he has someone else.  He is always making time to speak on his phone secretly.  When he was talking the other day I even saw a Russian bride magazine in his briefcase.  Something makes me think he is more interested in that long distance relationship that treating you right.

Look, you deserve better.  Look Donny could be okay, but I do not think he is right for you.  He always reacts so violently on Twitter about what television ctrump-picharacters are doing.  If you ever ask him about any kind of adversity he freaks out.  You can’t kid him about that photo or his business or even his golf game.  You can’t even kid him about his hand size without him shouting.  He doesn’t seem to have any friends, just his kids, and people who work for him.  Who is he and can’t you do better?

He talks about the 1920s like they were nirvana.  I guess I am worried you are going to find yourself wasting four years of your life on a guy who talks a good game but can not deliver anything but bravado.

Your best friend!



Liked it? Take a second to support Eat Pray Vote on Patreon!

1 Comment on Dear Jane –

  1. Alex santangelo // January 10, 2017 at 1:03 am // Reply

    Stupid article filled with the usual Never Trump hate. Why are you people wasting your time?

Share Your Thoughts?

%d bloggers like this: