How Do You Keep a Mormon From Drinking All Your Beer?

By Tom Milligan

I will always remember where I was and how I felt on 9/11 when I learned of the first plane hitting the World Trade Center. At first I hoped it was some crazy accident, but as I watched the news in the break room of our small office, the second plane hit.

And the world changed forever.

Like the rest of humanity, I was in shock. I sat watching for a while before getting in my car and somehow finding my way home. I spent the next several days morbidly glued to my television trying to make sense of a senseless act of hatred and cruelty.

But how does one make sense of a senseless act?

Like 9/11, I will remember for the rest of my life exactly where I was on 11/8/16 when America came out of the closet as an amoral, unprincipled and cowardly society: I was in a conference room on the 23rd floor of the Eco Tower in Taguig City, Philippines – and it was 11/9/16.

As I watched the first results come in on,, and on Google, I felt exactly like I did when the first plane hit the tower; like maybe it was just some crazy accident. But as the morning wore on, and polls began to close in the US, I realized Hillary had no path to 270 and that the second plane had hit.

And the world changed forever.

Like all true conservatives in the US, I was in shock.

I sat there watching for a while wishing I could be anywhere else. As more and more polls closed, and the certainty of Trump’s election became more clear, I sat glued to my computer screen trying to make sense of a senseless act of hatred, misogyny and bigotry perpetrated by my fellow Americans.

But how does one make sense of a senseless act?

Since these two horrible human beings won the nomination of their respective parties, I’ve proudly proclaimed myself #NeverTrumpOrHillary and vowed to only support leaders and/or candidates that closely match my principles and values.

I’m proud to have supported Evan McMullin after leaving the GOP and becoming an independent voter.

I was excited to see the polls showing Evan surging in my home stat of Utah. I knew he had no chance to reach 270, but I had hopes that Utah would show the rest of the country was true conservatism is all about.

But as I watched Utah’s numbers roll in for Trump, the first plane hit the tower. This had to be a mistake! I knew my fellow Utahns would come through. I knew they would vote principle over party. I knew it!

By early afternoon in Manila, it was crystal clear that Utah’s principles were no better or worse than the rest of America. I learned that when Utahns close the curtain on the voting booth, they choose party over principle – just like the rest of the country.

And the world changed forever.

Which reminds me of an old joke:

If you invite a Mormon to go fishing, how do you keep him from drinking all your beer?

You invite a second Mormon.

The sadly accurate insinuation is that Mormons don’t have principles unless they’re being watched.

I’m disappointed in the American electorate for voting party over principle. But I’m disgusted that so many in Utah, who polled as if they had a spine, chose party over principle and voted for a lying, cheating, adulterous fraud.

I firmly believed – and believe now more fervently than ever – that our two-party system is fatally flawed and only produces divisiveness and hate.

Our country will never heal unless we break out of this cycle. And we’ll only do that if real conservatives come together against party politics.

My beliefs & feelings about Donald Trump haven’t changed.

I still believe he’s literally one of the most disgusting creatures to have walked the earth. There is literally no scenario I could imagine for America that would be worse than having Donald Trump as our President. (Yes. I would rather have had Hillary)

But alas, Donald Trump will be our President.

He will either be the best President we’ve ever had, or will bring America to her knees begging for a real leader to save her.

I will pray for Donald Trump.

I will pray for America.

I will pray to be wrong.


  1. As someone who attended 3 funerals for friends lost in 9/11, this article is an absolute INSULT to the family & friends of anyone who lost someone that day. You Never Trump people have serious issues.

    1. I’m sorry to have offended you. That was certainly not my intent. If you re-read the post, you’ll see that I’m not comparing the two events in terms of destruction. Rather, I’m comparing how the two events made me feel. Both made me feel confused, angry, and hopeless.

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