Dispatches From The Swamp – Day 23

By Susan Kuebler

Little intel to report today.  Last night valiant members of The Resistance obtained some really good catnip.  Like really, really good.

The Leader has been suspiciously quiet today.  Sources suggest he is trying to explain his telephone call with PM of Pakistan to an entire nation of India, which could take up a considerable portion of his day.

Planned victory tour will begin in countries that did not support The Leader in the election.  It is possible that he is unaware that election is over and still hopes to garner votes.  Other sources have suggested this is the Rub Your Nose In It  part of the tour.

Careful analysis of Twitter indicates opponents of The Leader are not happy about his election.  Meanwhile, Twitter shows that increasing number of supporters of The Leader are not happy about his election either.

Official news organization of the Regime, Breitbart News, has apparently declared war on cereal manufacturer Kellogg.  This could become a cereal killer. Recommend that loyal member of The Resistance stock up immediately on Pop Tarts and Fruit Loops.

Rampant rumors that former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, being considered for the post of Head of Veterans Administration.  Supporters of The Leader consider her highly qualified based on the fact that her daughter almost married a recipient of the Medal of Honor. No word yet on whether Swamp leader Newt Gingrich wants the job.

Receiving unconfirmed whispering that slogan #DrainTheSwamp being changed to #DrainGoldmanSachs.  Will update when firm intel received.

A highly disturbing report published yesterday that federal government has declared war on cats!!!!  Currently, attacks only occurring in Key West, FL.  Never fear my friends.  The Crafty Cat has an ex-file plan in place.

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