Dispatches From The Swamp – Day 22

By Susan Kuebler

Perilous mission executed under cover of darkness last night.  Upon receiving reports of a secret meeting between The Leader and a prominent member of the opposition, stealthily crept up the alley behind the super secret location.  Word had apparently leaked as members of the press were busy photographing and tweeting bite-by-bite analysis.  Remained in hiding, where remains of frog legs were discovered in trash.  Nom, nom, nom.

The enemy camp, in a blatant attempt to misguide its opponents, nominated person with a unpronounceable name from Goldman Sachs to head up Department of Treasury.  Possible connections to tiny people in The Wizard of Oz  being explored.

Confusion reigns as reports from The Leader surface on Twitter regarding his business interests.  Announced plan (to be released on December 15th) to turn over all assets to his children so The Leader can focus on ruling country.  Unsure if said children will be invited for Christmas this year. This report appears to be in response to the statement issued from The Leader yesterday that “This job is a lot more than I thought it was.”  No word yet on raise in the allowance for youngest child Barron.

Offspring of The Leader spotted in Turkey on supposed hunting trip.  No reports of ISIS or Kurdish casualties as a result of his expedition.

Panic on K Street erupts as an official news outlet for the enemy, Breitbart News, releases list of disloyal lobbyists.  Many lobbyists dumping clients in hopes of currying favor with the enemy camp. Such treachery will be remembered.

The final round of contestants for the position of Secretary of State anxiously await news of who will receive the rose. Swamp leader Gingrich, in a blatant attempt at reverse psychology, has announced he does not want the job.

Citing concerns over apparent mental instability and possible insanity, valiant members of #The Resistance continue brave, but likely futile, attempt to persuade members of Electoral College not to support The Leader in his bid to rule the country.  However, sales of The Federalist Papers #68 are skyrocketing. Members of #The Resistance recommend sending copies of “The U.S. Constitution for Dummies” to The Leader as holiday gifts.

Rumors circulating that instead of being called The Cabinet, The Leader’s administration will refer to his government heads as “The Billionaire Boys Club.”  The news likely to be met with unwavering acclaim from poorly educated supporters.

Unconfirmed reports being circulated that The Leader persuaded Carrier not to relocate to Mexico, despite the fact that the need for air conditioners is much greater in Mexico than Indiana.

Plans by the King of Bahrain to host a massive gala event at The Leader’s hotel in Washington D.C. raises possible conflict-of-interest concerns among some members of Congress.  Republican congressman Jason Chaffetz appears unaware of this event.  No doubt he has not yet received his invitation, which may have been lost in the mail along with letters from leading Democrats on his Oversight Committee.

Must now retreat to a new safe house on outskirts of Swamp.  Enemy agents have obtained a photo of me from an unnamed source.  Updates from secure signal forthcoming in event of major news from enemy camp.

Remain vigilant my friends.  America depends on us.

The Crafty Cat    Vive le Resistance.


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